HUMOR: Your Yoga. Author: Sergei Veretennikov

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I listened, completely captivated—simply delightful! My heart blossomed with positivity. Very subtle humor; at times it’s hard to tell where self-irony ends and keenly observed truth begins. This is incredibly talented and beautiful! A true art form in its own right.

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<div class="bbWrapper">I listened, completely captivated—simply delightful! My heart blossomed with positivity. Very subtle humor; at times it’s hard to tell where self-irony ends and keenly observed truth begins. This is incredibly talented and beautiful! A true art form in its own right.</div>

 

[Веретенников Сергей]

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[Веретенников Сергей]

A channeler asked Sirius:
— Why are people so afraid of silence?
Sirius replied:
— Because in silence, there is no one to blame.


A clairvoyant told a client:
— I see your future.
The client became frightened:
— What’s there?
— Many wonderful opportunities that you will initially call “difficulties.”


A man came to a folk healer:
— Give me something for restlessness.

The healer gave him an empty bottle.

The man asked:
— Is that all?

The healer replied:
— Yes. Put it on the table and do nothing with it for ten minutes. That will be the first dose.


A philosopher asked a dog:
— Why are you always happy when I return?

The dog wagged its tail.

The philosopher wrote down:
— Love does not wait for a person to become worthy. It simply greets them at the door.

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<div class="bbWrapper">A channeler asked Sirius:<br /> — Why are people so afraid of silence?<br /> Sirius replied:<br /> — Because in silence, there is no one to blame.<br /> <br /> <br /> A clairvoyant told a client:<br /> — I see your future.<br /> The client became frightened:<br /> — What’s there?<br /> — Many wonderful opportunities that you will initially call “difficulties.”<br /> <br /> <br /> A man came to a folk healer:<br /> — Give me something for restlessness.<br /> <br /> The healer gave him an empty bottle.<br /> <br /> The man asked:<br /> — Is that all?<br /> <br /> The healer replied:<br /> — Yes. Put it on the table and do nothing with it for ten minutes. That will be the first dose.<br /> <br /> <br /> A philosopher asked a dog:<br /> — Why are you always happy when I return?<br /> <br /> The dog wagged its tail.<br /> <br /> The philosopher wrote down:<br /> — Love does not wait for a person to become worthy. It simply greets them at the door.</div>

 

[Веретенников Сергей]

A yogi dreamed that people would always await his return, write him letters, make him the center of their attention, eagerly await his replies, seek meetings with him, constantly think about him, and preserve his memory for as long as possible.

After a long meditation, he decided:

Borrow as much money as possible from each of them.

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<div class="bbWrapper">A yogi dreamed that people would always await his return, write him letters, make him the center of their attention, eagerly await his replies, seek meetings with him, constantly think about him, and preserve his memory for as long as possible.<br /> <br /> After a long meditation, he decided:<br /> <br /> <b>Borrow as much money as possible from each of them.</b><br /> <br /> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-shortname=":)" /></div>

 

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A bit of humor (about the picture): The yogi meditated so “diligently” that not only did his Third Eye “open,” but his third leg did too.

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<div class="bbWrapper">A bit of humor (about the picture): The yogi meditated so “diligently” that not only did his Third Eye “open,” but his third leg did too. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-shortname=":)" /></div>

 

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[Веретенников Сергей]

Joke author: Sergey Veretennikov (yogi, mystic, healer).

A yogi said to a disciple:
— Don’t resist life.

The disciple asked:
— What if it doesn’t do what I want?

The yogi replied:
— Usually, that’s exactly when you start calling life complicated.


An astrologer said:
— You’re entering a period when many things will fall into place.

The client was delighted:
— Finally!

The astrologer added:
— Though first, you’ll have to admit that you put half of those things in the wrong places yourself.


A disciple asked a monk:
— How can I stop worrying about what other people think of me?

The monk replied:
— First, accept the unpleasant news: they think about you much less often than you’d like.


A clairvoyant said:
— I see that a very important person will soon appear in your life.

The client asked:
— Who?

— You. But this time, you won’t walk past yourself.


A channeler asked the Pleiades:
— Why is it so difficult for people to hear their inner voice?

The Pleiades replied:
— Because the inner voice speaks calmly once, while fear repeats itself twenty times—and with arguments.


A person asked a Buddhist:
— How do I know that I’ve truly let go of a situation?

The Buddhist replied:
— When you no longer feel like telling everyone how well you’ve let it go.

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<div class="bbWrapper"><b>Joke author: Sergey Veretennikov (yogi, mystic, healer).</b><br /> <br /> A yogi said to a disciple:<br /> — Don’t resist life.<br /> <br /> The disciple asked:<br /> — What if it doesn’t do what I want?<br /> <br /> The yogi replied:<br /> — Usually, that’s exactly when you start calling life complicated.<br /> <br /> <br /> An astrologer said:<br /> — You’re entering a period when many things will fall into place.<br /> <br /> The client was delighted:<br /> — Finally!<br /> <br /> The astrologer added:<br /> — Though first, you’ll have to admit that you put half of those things in the wrong places yourself.<br /> <br /> <br /> A disciple asked a monk:<br /> — How can I stop worrying about what other people think of me?<br /> <br /> The monk replied:<br /> — First, accept the unpleasant news: they think about you much less often than you’d like.<br /> <br /> <br /> A clairvoyant said:<br /> — I see that a very important person will soon appear in your life.<br /> <br /> The client asked:<br /> — Who?<br /> <br /> — You. But this time, you won’t walk past yourself.<br /> <br /> <br /> A channeler asked the Pleiades:<br /> — Why is it so difficult for people to hear their inner voice?<br /> <br /> The Pleiades replied:<br /> — Because the inner voice speaks calmly once, while fear repeats itself twenty times—and with arguments.<br /> <br /> <br /> A person asked a Buddhist:<br /> — How do I know that I’ve truly let go of a situation?<br /> <br /> The Buddhist replied:<br /> — When you no longer feel like telling everyone how well you’ve let it go.</div>

 

[160269]

From Maxim Gorky.
"Man sounds proud!"
"And the superhuman is even prouder."
"I am a human being, and nothing superhuman is alien to me." (I don't remember who said it.)
The creators of the film "Hard to Be a God" decided to make a sequel called "Even Harder to Be a Wretch."
And finally, about the glooms:
The Paranoah's Ark.
If you're interested, I'll continue.

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<div class="bbWrapper">From Maxim Gorky.<br /> "Man sounds proud!"<br /> "And the superhuman is even prouder."<br /> "I am a human being, and nothing superhuman is alien to me." (I don't remember who said it.)<br /> The creators of the film "Hard to Be a God" decided to make a sequel called "Even Harder to Be a Wretch."<br /> And finally, about the glooms:<br /> The Paranoah's Ark.<br /> If you're interested, I'll continue.</div>

 

[303707]

Just relax. Feel your body, scan it, and enjoy becoming aware of what is present and exactly where it is present in this moment.

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<div class="bbWrapper">Just relax. Feel your body, scan it, and enjoy becoming aware of what is present and exactly where it is present in this moment.</div>

 

[Веретенников Сергей]

ESOTERIC HUMOR
⠀
My inner child and my inner sage get along wonderfully. One wants to do nothing, while the other explains that this is precisely the path.
⠀
In my past life, I must have been a very wealthy person. Otherwise, where would I have gotten such habits on this kind of income?
⠀
— What have you gained from ten years of meditation?
— The ability to sit around doing nothing in such a way that everyone around me is afraid to disturb me.
⠀
During meditation, I felt one with all that exists. Now I understand why I’m the one washing everyone’s dishes again.
⠀
Jokes by: Sergey Veretennikov (yogi, mystic, healer).

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<div class="bbWrapper"><img class="smilie smilie--emoji" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes :blush:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/gh/joypixels/emoji-assets@5.0/png/64/1f60a.png" data-shortname=":blush:" /> ESOTERIC HUMOR<br /> ⠀<br /> My inner child and my inner sage get along wonderfully. One wants to do nothing, while the other explains that this is precisely the path.<br /> ⠀<br /> In my past life, I must have been a very wealthy person. Otherwise, where would I have gotten such habits on this kind of income?<br /> ⠀<br /> — What have you gained from ten years of meditation?<br /> — The ability to sit around doing nothing in such a way that everyone around me is afraid to disturb me.<br /> ⠀<br /> During meditation, I felt one with all that exists. Now I understand why I’m the one washing everyone’s dishes again.<br /> ⠀<br /> Jokes by: Sergey Veretennikov (yogi, mystic, healer).</div>

 

[Веретенников Сергей]

ESOTERIC HUMOR

A hereditary witch is when your mother always knew where you had been, and your grandmother also knew how it would end.

I tried to learn channeling... Suddenly, I heard from the depths of my higher consciousness: “Buy bread.” Apparently, my wife’s ancient soul had come through.

I met someone from a past life. Judging by how quickly he asked to borrow money, we didn’t part on completely bad terms back then either.

A spiritual teacher said, “You’re already where you’re striving to be.” A very useful thought when you’re running late and still lying in bed.

My guardian angel no longer tries to stop my adventures. He just asks for the address in advance.

I bought “Absolute Peace” incense. Now the neighbors more often ask what kind of stinky fish I’ve started frying in the evenings.

I composed a wish in my mind and sent it out into the Universe. Five minutes later, I realized I hadn’t included a return address. Now I’m looking for the edit button.

My wife and I decided to practice silence. By the third minute, I understood everything from her look that I hadn’t understood in ten years of conversations.

I decided not to complain for a week. Now my relatives are worried—is everything all right with me?

Jokes by: Sergey Veretennikov, author of the “Your Yoga” website.

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<div class="bbWrapper"><img class="smilie smilie--emoji" alt="😊" title="Smiling face with smiling eyes :blush:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/gh/joypixels/emoji-assets@5.0/png/64/1f60a.png" data-shortname=":blush:" /> ESOTERIC HUMOR<br /> <br /> A hereditary witch is when your mother always knew where you had been, and your grandmother also knew how it would end.<br /> <br /> I tried to learn channeling... Suddenly, I heard from the depths of my higher consciousness: “Buy bread.” Apparently, my wife’s ancient soul had come through.<br /> <br /> I met someone from a past life. Judging by how quickly he asked to borrow money, we didn’t part on completely bad terms back then either.<br /> <br /> A spiritual teacher said, “You’re already where you’re striving to be.” A very useful thought when you’re running late and still lying in bed.<br /> <br /> My guardian angel no longer tries to stop my adventures. He just asks for the address in advance.<br /> <br /> I bought “Absolute Peace” incense. Now the neighbors more often ask what kind of stinky fish I’ve started frying in the evenings.<br /> <br /> I composed a wish in my mind and sent it out into the Universe. Five minutes later, I realized I hadn’t included a return address. Now I’m looking for the edit button.<br /> <br /> My wife and I decided to practice silence. By the third minute, I understood everything from her look that I hadn’t understood in ten years of conversations.<br /> <br /> I decided not to complain for a week. Now my relatives are worried—is everything all right with me?<br /> <br /> Jokes by: Sergey Veretennikov, author of the “Your Yoga” website.</div>