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First of all, no one is to blame for this. Most often, it all stems from childhood, and circumstances are to blame.
In other words, don’t blame yourself. Simply figure it out, understand it, and accept it within yourself. Once you understand and accept it, work on it—and your life will literally change.
How can you tell whether you are suppressing your emotions?
Some people have become so accustomed to wearing masks that they seem to have forgotten their true face. As a result, we become so used to walking around with an “emotional muzzle” that we lose our identity and create a host of psychological problems that worsen year after year.
Perfectionism
The desire to do everything in life “perfectly”—because then you won’t have to suffer from failure, criticism, or rejection.
A passion for control
The desire to control every aspect of both your own life and the lives of those around you. The illusion of power over yourself, other people, and life gives you hope that no uninvited or unwanted feeling will disturb the “controller’s” inner world.
You don’t feel like yourself
As soon as you suppress your emotions, you begin to play a certain role that you yourself have invented. If you behave completely differently in public than when you are alone, you are uncomfortable sharing with the world what you truly feel. You may pretend that everything is wonderful even when you feel completely empty. Creating such an illusion will harm you above all. Notice whether your behavior with people close to you has changed; try gradually showing your true self in a small group, and with each meeting you will feel increasingly comfortable.
Insecurity, self-condemnation, and self-flagellation
As a rule, people who are accustomed to suppressing their feelings grew up in dysfunctional environments, received too little love, and experienced rejection. In childhood, they were often deprived of a sense of safety and family warmth. As a result, they entered adulthood with low self-esteem and a denial of their own worth. These beliefs persist for a long time, even if the person later achieves a great deal.
A deeply rooted sense of insignificance and inadequacy often manifests as insecurity. Such people tend to avoid decisive action and devalue their decisions. They are afraid to set goals and make choices, especially if they made real or imagined mistakes in the past.
They are also prone to excessive self-criticism: harshly mocking their own shortcomings, rejecting praise, and habitually condemning themselves for the slightest mistakes and imperfections. Such people find it difficult to accept anything new. Without even considering an idea or assessing new opportunities, they immediately say, “I don’t know.”
When meeting new people or finding themselves in unfamiliar surroundings, they become flustered and try to stay in the background.
Cynicism and cruel irony
Sometimes people who suppress their feelings adopt a cynical attitude toward the world around them—criticizing everything and everyone, making ironic remarks, and devaluing important concepts, becoming highly skilled at it. Cynicism helps them avoid feelings of rejection, hurt, and other painful experiences, because it distracts their attention from themselves and their inner problems.
Hheightened emotionality
You cannot live inside a shell forever; emotions will accumulate and press from within. At some point, control will weaken and your feelings will burst out in such a torrent that they will sweep everything around you away. For example, a person may unexpectedly fall into hysterics or unprovoked rage. Or they may see or hear something that makes them burst into tears as they recall repressed memories. This is an important sign of suppressed feelings. They may also manifest as chronic phobias and distressing nightmares.
Spilled coffee, a shove to the shoulder, burnt toast. Do you lose your temper over trivial things and become irritated when something breaks down or does not go according to plan? Unfortunately, it is not only about the circumstances. Your anger and discontent are accumulated emotions that you did not release earlier. You restrain yourself during important and serious situations, try to hide your inner world and feelings from others and protect yourself from external influences, attempt to distance yourself and run away from real problems. But as soon as an opportunity arises to release your feelings, your nervous system does so. That is why such emotional outbursts most often occur over trivial matters that do not require conscious self-suppression.
You experience a constant feeling of anxiety
You may feel anxious when you are afraid that someone else will learn about your feelings—which is why you hide them. You may feel anxious when you remain silent because you sincerely want to share what you are going through but do not know how, and fear judgment and misunderstanding. Discomfort at work and excessive worry about everyday matters—these painful sensations affect not only your psychological state but also your physical state. Your body, just like your brain, senses your worry and anxiety. The more often you suppress yourself, the more your body gets used to anxiety as a normal state in which it spends most of its time (also read: The Stress Virus: Is Anxiety Really Contagious (and How to Protect Yourself). Learning to cope with your emotions will gradually return you to a balanced state, and once relaxed, your consciousness will reject negative manifestations.
You feel uncomfortable around people who express their emotions strongly
If you do not like displaying your emotions, you are unlikely to feel positively toward those who do not hide their feelings. But there is a distinction here: this is not about colleagues who distract you from work or people around you who behave provocatively and inappropriately. Any setting, whether restaurant patrons or mutual acquaintances, can make you anxious or increase your desire to withdraw. Laughter, tears, and loud fright are all normal emotional expressions, and there is no need to be ashamed of them. There is a direct correlation: the more emotion there is around you, the more strongly you suppress your own. Being unable to cope with your emotions leads to an inner conflict when you observe someone who is more uninhibited. Ultimately, this will only increase your desire to distance yourself from society and withdraw into yourself. This does not mean that you must express yourself in the same way, but expressing the emotions raging inside you is beneficial for inner balance.
Indecisiveness
Traumatized people find it difficult to make independent decisions, set goals, and make serious choices. They are accustomed to devaluing their experience and knowledge, exaggerating the failures of the past. Perhaps that is why they so often shift responsibility from themselves onto others.
Low self-esteem
The more such a person suppresses their feelings, the more convinced they become that they have no value in the eyes of the world. Who could be interested in their genuine thoughts and desires? Withdrawn people try not to attract special attention, stay in the background, and serve the interests of others. Even if they reach great heights, they remain dissatisfied with themselves, convinced that they were simply lucky.
Other manifestations of suppressed emotions:
If you have discovered that your emotional suppression is quite severe, I will give recommendations below.
In other words, don’t blame yourself. Simply figure it out, understand it, and accept it within yourself. Once you understand and accept it, work on it—and your life will literally change.
How can you tell whether you are suppressing your emotions? Some people have become so accustomed to wearing masks that they seem to have forgotten their true face. As a result, we become so used to walking around with an “emotional muzzle” that we lose our identity and create a host of psychological problems that worsen year after year.
Perfectionism
The desire to do everything in life “perfectly”—because then you won’t have to suffer from failure, criticism, or rejection.
A passion for control
The desire to control every aspect of both your own life and the lives of those around you. The illusion of power over yourself, other people, and life gives you hope that no uninvited or unwanted feeling will disturb the “controller’s” inner world.
You don’t feel like yourself
As soon as you suppress your emotions, you begin to play a certain role that you yourself have invented. If you behave completely differently in public than when you are alone, you are uncomfortable sharing with the world what you truly feel. You may pretend that everything is wonderful even when you feel completely empty. Creating such an illusion will harm you above all. Notice whether your behavior with people close to you has changed; try gradually showing your true self in a small group, and with each meeting you will feel increasingly comfortable.
Insecurity, self-condemnation, and self-flagellation
As a rule, people who are accustomed to suppressing their feelings grew up in dysfunctional environments, received too little love, and experienced rejection. In childhood, they were often deprived of a sense of safety and family warmth. As a result, they entered adulthood with low self-esteem and a denial of their own worth. These beliefs persist for a long time, even if the person later achieves a great deal.
A deeply rooted sense of insignificance and inadequacy often manifests as insecurity. Such people tend to avoid decisive action and devalue their decisions. They are afraid to set goals and make choices, especially if they made real or imagined mistakes in the past.
They are also prone to excessive self-criticism: harshly mocking their own shortcomings, rejecting praise, and habitually condemning themselves for the slightest mistakes and imperfections. Such people find it difficult to accept anything new. Without even considering an idea or assessing new opportunities, they immediately say, “I don’t know.”
When meeting new people or finding themselves in unfamiliar surroundings, they become flustered and try to stay in the background.
Cynicism and cruel irony
Sometimes people who suppress their feelings adopt a cynical attitude toward the world around them—criticizing everything and everyone, making ironic remarks, and devaluing important concepts, becoming highly skilled at it. Cynicism helps them avoid feelings of rejection, hurt, and other painful experiences, because it distracts their attention from themselves and their inner problems.
Hheightened emotionality
You cannot live inside a shell forever; emotions will accumulate and press from within. At some point, control will weaken and your feelings will burst out in such a torrent that they will sweep everything around you away. For example, a person may unexpectedly fall into hysterics or unprovoked rage. Or they may see or hear something that makes them burst into tears as they recall repressed memories. This is an important sign of suppressed feelings. They may also manifest as chronic phobias and distressing nightmares.
- • Is my reaction to everyday trivialities excessive? Do I ever cry when I hear a particular song? Does the smell of a certain perfume make me anxious or embarrassed?
- • Am I troubled by memories or nightmares connected with difficult events from the past—for example, abuse or divorce?
- • Does it ever happen that, upon seeing a particular person or photograph, I suddenly flare up, freeze, or feel deep sadness?
You experience a constant feeling of anxiety
You may feel anxious when you are afraid that someone else will learn about your feelings—which is why you hide them. You may feel anxious when you remain silent because you sincerely want to share what you are going through but do not know how, and fear judgment and misunderstanding. Discomfort at work and excessive worry about everyday matters—these painful sensations affect not only your psychological state but also your physical state. Your body, just like your brain, senses your worry and anxiety. The more often you suppress yourself, the more your body gets used to anxiety as a normal state in which it spends most of its time (also read: The Stress Virus: Is Anxiety Really Contagious (and How to Protect Yourself). Learning to cope with your emotions will gradually return you to a balanced state, and once relaxed, your consciousness will reject negative manifestations.
You feel uncomfortable around people who express their emotions strongly
If you do not like displaying your emotions, you are unlikely to feel positively toward those who do not hide their feelings. But there is a distinction here: this is not about colleagues who distract you from work or people around you who behave provocatively and inappropriately. Any setting, whether restaurant patrons or mutual acquaintances, can make you anxious or increase your desire to withdraw. Laughter, tears, and loud fright are all normal emotional expressions, and there is no need to be ashamed of them. There is a direct correlation: the more emotion there is around you, the more strongly you suppress your own. Being unable to cope with your emotions leads to an inner conflict when you observe someone who is more uninhibited. Ultimately, this will only increase your desire to distance yourself from society and withdraw into yourself. This does not mean that you must express yourself in the same way, but expressing the emotions raging inside you is beneficial for inner balance.
Indecisiveness
Traumatized people find it difficult to make independent decisions, set goals, and make serious choices. They are accustomed to devaluing their experience and knowledge, exaggerating the failures of the past. Perhaps that is why they so often shift responsibility from themselves onto others.
Low self-esteem
The more such a person suppresses their feelings, the more convinced they become that they have no value in the eyes of the world. Who could be interested in their genuine thoughts and desires? Withdrawn people try not to attract special attention, stay in the background, and serve the interests of others. Even if they reach great heights, they remain dissatisfied with themselves, convinced that they were simply lucky.
Other manifestations of suppressed emotions:
- you say, “I’m fine,” even when you feel bad;
- you wake up in a bad mood for no apparent reason;
- you often experience hatred and disappointment;
- you may suddenly lash out at someone close to you;
- you cannot tell someone what you really feel because you are afraid they will judge or ridicule you;
- you constantly make excuses for people who hurt you;
- you have addictions that you turn to when you feel bad—food, alcohol, or shopaholism.
If you have discovered that your emotional suppression is quite severe, I will give recommendations below.
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