Have you noticed one strange pattern?
A person leaves a relationship…
Starts “working on themselves”…
And after some time —
enters a new relationship that ends in exactly the same way.
Different faces — the same scenarios.
Why?
We have been convinced that we need to
change.
Become better. More patient. More accommodating. Softer. More generous. Calmer.
But it’s a trap.
Because in most cases we do not change —
we move even farther away from ourselves.
We adapt to a new role.
Put on yet another mask.
Learn to be proper — but not alive.
But the truth goes much deeper:
You do not need to change.
You need to
return to yourself.
You are already “distorted” — by family traumas, fears of loneliness, the experience of past relationships, and attempts to be accommodating.
This is not a path of growth.
It is a path away from the truth.
Love is possible only between
two living and free “I’s”,
not between two versions of “what I need to be for people to love me.”
Everyone wants to meet a free person.
But almost no one is ready
to become one.
That is why:
- we “fix ourselves for the sake of relationships” — and lose ourselves;
- we look for a new partner — and repeat the old lesson;
- we change “in the right direction” — but never make it home to ourselves.
True transformation is not movement toward some unknown person.
It is
a return to who you were before the distortions.
In the article, I examine in detail:
— why “changing” is a poor strategy for finding happiness in love;
— what term Stanislav Grof used instead of “altered states of consciousness,” and why;
— how to distinguish growth from running away from yourself;
— why past relationships often do not make us wiser, but merely more adapted.
Are you really changing…
or simply moving farther and farther away from yourself?
Think about it.
